Or, an exercise in translating from the original Moreton Bay Courier into plain English.
19th century journalists were prone to wordiness. They could use that tendency to create wildly amusing observations that bring that time and its people vividly to life. They could also use that tendency to expand a small incident into, well, this. (Possible translation included at the end.)
THE MISTAKES OF A NIGHT. — The inconveniences that sometimes arise from gentlemen not bearing in mind the exact locus in quo[i] wherein their dormitories are situated, was never more perfectly demonstrated than in a case which occurred the other day in the neighbourhood of this township.
The particulars are as follows:-It appears that a certain married woman, whose name we suppress, was agreeably, or disagreeably surprised, as the case may be, the other evening by being unseasonably and unreasonably disturbed out of her sleep on the night of the ______ instant by a person demanding admission into the house at the hour of eleven o’clock, at which time she, being somno sepulta,[ii] was most disagreeably aroused by his “knocking at the door” of her cubicular apartment.
Imagining, as very natural, that ’twas her “liege lord” who sought admission,
“Up she rose, and donn’d her clothes,
And op’ed the chamber door,”
when, to her unspeakable amazement and consternation, Mr ________ intruded his physiognomy.
On ascertaining that the visitor was not the gentleman to whom she had plighted her troth in days “lang syne,” she gave him a gentle intimation of what, in all probability, she would be tempted to do if he did not immediately “cut his lucky.”
In the meanwhile, and during this sweet and familiar converse between Mr _______ and Mrs.________, language of anything but an amiable nature was heard in the immediate neighbourhood. On enquiry it was found that another “gent” had originated this colloquial difference and had made a similar mistake by insisting upon pitching his tent in Mrs _______’s apartment.
The upshot of the transaction was that Mrs _______ roared lustily for her husband, little dreaming that he was in the immediate vicinity, (having just returned from the bush) and beleaguering Mrs _______ premises, and the other lady fair was stentoriously vociferating with equal violence for her lord and master.
At length the presence of Miss K _________, a servant girl belonging to one of the establishments, with a lantern in her hand, brought all the parties as well as all matters to light. The éclaircissement appeared to be anything but satisfactory to the lady first alluded to, who entertaining some suspicion in regard to the innocence of Mr. _______’s mistake, and strongly suspecting that his nocturnal situation was premeditated, insisted upon a magisterial interference to prevent a repetition of such conduct.
The “gorge” of the other “lady” seemed to rise at this insinuation against the faith and fidelity of her cara sposa,[iii] and a most ludicrous scene of crimination and recrimination took place. After the “wagering of a war of words” for some twenty minutes, all parties settled their differences amicably over a dozen of Byass’ best, consoling themselves with the well-known fact, “that accidents will happen in the best regulated families.”
Many of our readers may suppose that we have been indulging in a little romance in narrating the foregoing particulars because we suppress names, (contrary to our usual practice) they may, however, rely on the accuracy of our information; and those who are particularly curious about matters of this nature, will no doubt obtain a more explicit account of the adventures of the “gents” by applying to the parties immediately interested.
Moreton Bay Courier (Brisbane, Qld. : 1846 – 1861), Saturday 15 January 1848, page 2
Possible Translation:
As far as I can tell: Mr Smith mistook Mrs Jones’ door for his own and tried to come in late at night. Mrs Jones was upset, called out for Mr Jones, who was bunking Mrs Brown’s house, probably not by mistake, but to her annoyance. Someone brought a light, everybody figured out who was who, and after a lot of arguing, everyone got drunk and forgave each other.
[i] The place where.
[ii] Buried in sleep.
[iii] Dear spouse.
Moreton Bay and More 