KANGAROO POINT INTELLIGENCE

Before the Windmill, our intrepid reporter was stationed at Kangaroo Point, across the river from Old Brisbane Town.

His location did not provide him a great deal of material for his columns, but he took the opportunity to provide some fine comedy about his fruitless search for copy.

For historical context, the gruesome murder of Robert Cox at Kangaroo Point, forever associated with “The Mayne Inheritance” had taken place six months before the Courier’s scribe was posted there. A man – if you believe the Mayne book, the wrong man – had already gone to the gallows for that crime.

Campbell’s Boiling Down Works were giving Kangaroo Point life a distinctive flavour, although poor Campbell would soon go out of business, and set up a grocery store in Drayton.

James ‘Duramboi’ Davis ran a blacksmith shop at Kangaroo Point, where he lived with his formidable and unpredictable wife, Ann.

1848

Kangaroo Point Intelligence.

Saturday 23 Sept 1848

(From our own Reporter.)

The telegraph established at Kangaroo Point, under the control of our own reporter, has furnished us with the following intelligence from that distant region. It will be seen that our first despatches are rather meagre; but any information respecting the manners and customs of the inhabitants must be interesting to our readers.

Monday, Sept. 18. – Nothing of importance this day. Two crows are sitting on the wall of Mr Campbell’s unfinished house, and seem to be conversing on the uncertainty of human intentions. Cannot hear their remarks at this distance.

Tuesday. – Boy hailed ferry-boat at daylight. Examined him on his arrival, and saw a slip of paper in his pocket, but had no opportunity of abstracting it. Waylaid him on is return, but he refused to answer my questions. Suppose him to have been sent on a secret mission of importance.

Wednesday. – Saw a strange dog this morning, but lost sight of him soon afterwards. Nothing further today.

Thursday. – Much excitement this morning in consequence of the arrival of a stranger, on horseback. I find it is the butcher’s lad, bearing a leg of mutton – specially ordered by one of the residents. Ferry-boat departed for North Brisbane at 2 pm, and returned immediately. Cargo – one old woman, one constable, and a bunch of turnips.

Friday. – Vulgar man passed me today, and put his hand to his nose. Nothing more to report.

KANGAROO POINT INTELLIGENCE.

(From our own Reporter.)

Saturday 30 Sep 1848

Our reporter has sent us the following epistle from his melancholy look-out at Kangaroo Point:

Mr Editor, – Shortly after the publication of my last despatches I was waited upon by a gentleman, who informed me that my report had given great offence to the settlers at this place; and that he would withdraw his patronage from your paper.

I looked rather blue at this, as I did not know how you might take it; so I replied that I was sorry for offending him; that I certainly had not said anything prejudicial to him or to any other person. In fact, my report amounted to nothing at all.

“Well, sir,” said he, “that’s the very thing I complain of. Why did you not report something sensible, instead of the balderdash contained in your despatches?”

I told him that he must be very well aware that there was nothing sensible to report on the subject. At this he sneered a good deal and said that I must be a very pretty reporter indeed if I couldn’t invent something. “Besides,” said he, “if there was nothing to say, couldn’t you be silent altogether?”

I saw that he was working himself into a rage, so I thought to mollify him by telling him that my only object was to inform the public that there was such a place as Kangaroo Point; but this only made him worse; he got as red as a turkey-cock, and swore I was a fool and the editor too.

Now, Sir, as I have only known you a short time, I didn’t venture to dispute the proposition as regarded yourself – but denied my own share in the charge; and told him that it was by my own choice that I was placed on this station, where I was removed from the hurry of business, and the temptations of the town. I added that this ought to convince him that I was no fool.

However, he wouldn’t listen to reason; but went away saying that “he’d not allow anybody to poke Borack at him.” What he meant by that I’m sure I don’t know.

Now, Sir, I want to know what I am to do, and if you wish me to demolish the telegraph, and return to town. – Your obedient servant.

*             *             *

(We cannot abandon the telegraph. Our reporter has been instructed to continue his labours, avoiding, as usual, everything of a personal or offensive character.)

Note: to poke borak at someone or something means to taunt or mock someone or something. (A 19th century expression, primarily used in Australia.)

KANGAROO POINT INTELLIGENCE.

(From our own Reporter.)

Saturday, October 28 1848

FRIDAY, OCT. 27. – For some days past I have been entirely idle. There was a rumour, indeed, that the settlers intended to petition the Queen to erect this place into a separate colony; but no public meeting has been called, up to this time.

I have lately amused myself by sitting on the semaphore, and watching the progress of events in the distant capital. While so engaged this day, I noticed a circumstance so unusual, and of so exciting a character, that I thought it my duty to communicate the same to you immediately, by extraordinary telegraph. A man was at work at the new gaol! The event had such a powerful effect upon me that I immediately wrote the following lines on the crown of my hat, with a piece of chalk which I had previously abstracted from my landlord’s counter for private reasons : –

Faint and wearily a poor old toddler Climb’d up a ladder to the goal wall top;

Sighing drearly, for want of a nobbler -,

Scratching heavily his ancient crop. Copestone bestriding -Comfortable riding!-

Idly abiding, see his shoulders drop! –

Then how cosily the poor old toddler

Surveys dozily the gaol wall top.

Slowly hammering a spike, he lingers, Slyly gammoning he’s working hard; Faintly stammering “I’ve hurt my fingers,”

Drowsily he gazes on the dull gaol yard.

Striking, pausing -Somnolescence, causing –

Darkness pours in, as he’s nigh to drop -Then how merrily the poor old toddler

Goes down the ladder from the gaol wall top.

Notes: Toddler in this case referred to an elderly man and his style of walking, caused by a fondness for ‘ardent spirits’. The 19th century attitude to child labour was harsh, but infants were not sent to work on prison roofs. Possibly for practical, rather than sentimental, reasons. Nobbler in this case meant said ardent spirits. Gammoning – if something was gammon, it was false and/or foolish.

OUR KANGAROO POINT REPORTER.

Saturday 11 November 1848

The great neglect of our reporter for some time past has led us to the conclusion that he has been bribed. It is humiliating to confess such a thing, but it is the only way in which his conduct can be accounted for. As the young man is really useful to us, and possesses considerable powers of observation we have not dismissed him, but have transferred his sphere of action to the Windmill at North Brisbane, where he will have an opportunity of overlooking the hole town, and of working his telegraph directly opposite to our office windows. 

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And thus, the career of Windmill began.